sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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