my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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