Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
