We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
