Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize