happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
