the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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