today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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