So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
wow bdsm is so cute
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
