I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
