y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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