Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he was CRYING into my vagina
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
