i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..