Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.

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  (713): my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/ldey
  Replies (12) Good night (2740) Bad night (768)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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  (410): A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis. (410): and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap. http://tfl.nu/onen
  Replies (26) Good night (1262) Bad night (2955)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.

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  (412): i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on. http://tfl.nu/zkya
  Replies (13) Good night (3984) Bad night (811)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts

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  (508): Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts http://tfl.nu/tjd5
  Replies (15) Good night (3946) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You insisted on take shots off of plates.

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  (417): You insisted on take shots off of plates. http://tfl.nu/pa2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1818) Bad night (854)
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  (518): View more from New York

  They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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  (518): They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me. (1-518): Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props. http://tfl.nu/pv50
  Replies (5) Good night (2505) Bad night (945)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

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  (509): Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters http://tfl.nu/r1et
  Replies (20) Good night (4289) Bad night (1410)
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  (408): View more from California

  Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.

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  (408): Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you. http://tfl.nu/z19y
  Replies (5) Good night (1585) Bad night (599)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You are a booty call, not a friend.

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  (314): You are a booty call, not a friend. http://tfl.nu/bgd1
  Replies (9) Good night (1607) Bad night (1604)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

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  (321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy
  Replies (14) Good night (797) Bad night (2201)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"

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  (630): you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread" http://tfl.nu/vwcq
  Replies (2) Good night (1063) Bad night (437)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.

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  (609): When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/ourm
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (417)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila

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  (419): I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila http://tfl.nu/p4pe
  Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (410)
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  (589): View more from

  seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.

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  (589): seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/0cck
  Replies (2) Good night (312) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here

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  (918): It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here http://tfl.nu/fxjj
  Replies (2) Good night (216) Bad night (364)

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