my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.