seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo