It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
