Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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  (619): guys are not supposed to queef...right? http://tfl.nu/p86m
  Replies (96) Good night (836) Bad night (7129)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

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  (303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5
  Replies (22) Good night (7250) Bad night (1069)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.

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  (479): I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle. http://tfl.nu/61o1
  Replies (18) Good night (1152) Bad night (7885)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

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  (505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf
  Replies (7) Good night (5120) Bad night (1167)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it

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  (908): idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it http://tfl.nu/l3eq
  Replies (4) Good night (2183) Bad night (1083)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Are my feet made of real feet?

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  (740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext
  Replies (17) Good night (5936) Bad night (1186)
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  (831): View more from California

  She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs

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  (831): She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs http://tfl.nu/k6rx
  Replies (7) Good night (3239) Bad night (1323)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3577) Bad night (916)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.

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  (724): I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for. http://tfl.nu/9lin
  Replies (4) Good night (1909) Bad night (764)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.

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  (847): We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love. http://tfl.nu/9pu7
  Replies (7) Good night (1001) Bad night (852)
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  (510): View more from California

  Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?

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  (510): Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you? http://tfl.nu/34q2
  Replies (4) Good night (649) Bad night (891)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird

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  (778): And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird http://tfl.nu/xqlb
  Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (620)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.

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  (859): I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around. http://tfl.nu/gi2p
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (256)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad

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  (978): When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad http://tfl.nu/mtrk
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (196)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.

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  (229): I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady. http://tfl.nu/zna4
  Replies (0) Good night (286) Bad night (157)

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