my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
