At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
