I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
