Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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