so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
