if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize