you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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