Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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