Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
