we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Enjoy the penises
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
