she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
