put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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