I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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