So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
