You really coming over, don't trick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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