Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
