it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
