ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
