I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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