So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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