I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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