Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
