Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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