I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize