You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
