The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
