im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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