The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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