To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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