i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
