I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
