Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
