ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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