I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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