fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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