I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
