Tell her she can't have a vagina
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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