Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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