I love black thongs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
