Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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