Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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