Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
