Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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