So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
