Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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