The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
