he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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