I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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