i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
