Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
