Can Purell be used as lube?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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