I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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