eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Help. Why am I so naked?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
